Why did we choose to homeschool?

There are countless blogs out there about homeschooling.  Just about all of them have a post on why parents chose to homeschool.  Some of these choices are obvious (dissatisfied with public schools, instill stronger religious values, protect from bullying) and some not so much (spend more time with offspring, traveling/nomadic family life, etc.).  No matter what, though, each family’s story is unique, even if it does share similarities with other family stories.

I don’t think our reasons for homeschooling aren't much different from other families, but I will share our story, nonetheless. 

I think we knew when our oldest was in preschool that the whole school experience would be different for us… and for her.  She quickly figured out that she could walk all over her preschool teacher;  I’m sorry to say it, but the woman was a push-over and had very little control of her classroom.  Megan wasn't interested in what the other kids were learning: shapes, colors, how to properly use scissors.  She wanted to do her own thing, and that usually involved some sort of hands-on pretend play.  She actually got sent to the director’s office on more than one occasion.  This prompted many discussions at home.  My husband and I constantly wondered if we had done something wrong.  Was our discipline too extreme?  Or was it not firm enough?  Was she not socially ready for the classroom setting?  Developmentally, was she just not ready? 

We never thought intelligence was the issue.  She knew more about dinosaurs than most adults.  In fact at the age of three, she correctly identified an allosaurus skeleton when the adult next to her had told her it was a T-rex.  She loved the Spanish language and constantly asked us the meanings and pronunciations of various words and phrases she heard on Dora the Explorer.  She asked about plants and rocks outside.  She showered us with questions about how fish can breathe under water, why the sky is blue, and how Santa could get into our house through the chimney.  She loved to paint and make things with her hands.  Overall, she was a very eager learner. That was not her problem. 

Her “problem” was (and still is) a stubborn, independent streak.  If she’s not interested, she simply doesn't put forth any effort.  We’re still working with her on this, because we know life throws you things that are “boring”, and you have to deal with them anyway. 

So what did we do?  We took her out of preschool.  It wasn't doing her – or our bank account – any good. 

Time progressed.  We gave her a baby brother.  We bought a house in a good school district, and enrolled her in kindergarten in the elementary around the corner. 

All was well, until we started getting PACKETS of homework.  All the other students got these packets.  Parents were complaining.  And then came the reports that if a child didn't finish classroom work, then that child had to stay in from recess to get it done.  Our girl started acting out.  She’s a highly active child to begin with, so not allowing her to let off steam was a recipe for disaster.  We were constantly talking to the teacher (who, by the way, acted like she had better things to do).  We tried to finish all that homework, but our daughter was having none of it.  She’d hit a brick wall after 45 minutes and it was like pulling teeth to get anything else out of her. 

Parent/Teacher conferences revealed that she was reading below grade level and really not applying herself to classwork.  We were baffled since she was reading well at home.  At one conference, the teacher told me this story.  Megan had been talking and acting out, so the teacher asked her to sit next to her in order to get her work done.  Soon, a line formed next to the teacher’s desk; students were coming up to her to ask for help.  Meanwhile, Megan was not getting anything done.  The teacher noticed that Megan was helping the other students.  In fact, Megan was correctly telling them how to complete their work.  However, she still wasn't doing hers.  The teacher called her on it, and after Megan told her – in no uncertain terms – that she didn't like her very much, she completed her assignment in less than 5 minutes. 

She squeaked by and went on to 1^st grade.  The first grade teacher was fabulous and really took a liking to Megan.  Megan liked her, too.  However, the same problems came up.  Work was not completed.  There started to be problems with a certain little boy in class.  This escalated one day when the boy got right in her face and screamed at the top of his lungs.  She punched him in the stomach.  She went to the office, and we were notified HOURS later. 

Apparently, she cracked under all their questions and said things like, “I wish I was dead” and “I’m a bad child”.  This freaked out the staff enough to call in a counselor/social worker.  Again, all of this happened BEFORE they bothered to call us.  When they finally did call us and we said we’d come pick her up, they told us NO.  They said Megan needed to spend the rest of the day in the office. 

WHAT? I can’t come get my child?  After you tell me that she wanted to DIE?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Yes.  We were a bit livid.  We called a meeting with school staff, and then set Megan up with an appointment to see a private family counselor of OUR choosing.  In the meeting, we basically said that under no circumstances would we tolerate lack of communication.  We also set boundaries and tried to explain our child a bit.  

Megan was sent to the office a few times after that, and it became apparent that she was now labeled “that child”.  She was still seeing our family counselor, and we learned that due to her VERY vivid imagination that she sometimes had trouble differentiating between real and not real.  When she was stressed, she’ retreat into fantasy.  She also had no coping mechanisms to speak of, so the counselor worked with her to create some.   

Things escalated once again when the 1^st grade teacher went on maternity leave.  The substitute was atrocious.  One day I had to pick up Megan early (her brother was headed to the ER with a goose egg on his head).  I signed in at the office, and I then proceeded to the classroom to pick up my child.  I literally walked in and walked out with Megan without the teacher ever acknowledging my presence.  One day at pick-up time, the whole class came out to meet their parents except Megan.  When my husband asked where she was, the substitute replied, “I don’t know.”  Again, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  But the fun didn't stop there.  When Megan was talkative, instead of moving her to a different table away from her pals, the substitute pulled her desk out of formation and completely isolated her from the rest of the class.  When my husband talked to the substitute, she looked at him like he was wearing an alligator on his head.  Repeated calls to the principal’s office did nothing to change this.  We were told time after time that they would look into the matter.  Megan sat that way for the better part of 2 months.  It was only fixed when the regular teacher returned. 

By now it was clear that the school administration had no interest in listening to what we had to say.  They’d already made up their minds that Megan was a troubled child, and we were just complaining.  They didn't care.  They had to get 1000+ students through their school.  I shouldn't have been surprised or outraged, but I was.  Our kid was falling through the cracks. 

We’d already learned through teacher conferences that Megan was still behind in reading, but she flourished in science and math.  The reason?  We learned these two subjects were taught with a very hands-on approach.  We started experimenting with hands-on activities at home, and you know what?  She was completely engaged, no matter the subject. 

We decided to start exploring all options.  Traditional public school wasn’t working out.  We couldn’t afford private school, and all the charter schools in our area had waiting lists two years long.  We couldn’t wait two years!  We were told to try enrolling her in another school in our district, but the administration of our local elementary had left a bad taste in our mouths. 

And then my husband lost his job.  We knew we could make it on my income, so we decided that he would be a stay-at-home dad and homeschool our kids.  There were other factors also involved, but this is the nitty gritty of our choice. 

That was a little over year ago.  I won’t lie and say things have been perfect.  There was quite a bit of adjusting for both my husband and our daughter.  Megan learned really quickly that she couldn’t goof off.  Once she figured out her daddy wasn't playing around, she learned more in one year than she learned in two years at public school.  Her dad had to learn to be more encouraging and patient.  And her behavior problems?  Gone.  Mind you, she still pushes her boundaries when she can.  She’s a typical 8 year old.  Thankfully, we have the time and freedom to help her at her own pace.   

This year, we’ll add our son, Xander, to the mix.  He’ll be doing Pre-K while his sister is in 3^rd Grade.  They are both kinesthetic learners, so we have lots of things for them to put their hands on.  They get to go on frequent field trips (as opposed to the TWO field trips Megan attended in public school.).  They have constant access to a computer (as opposed to twice a month), and the vast array of educational programs on Netflix and Amazon Prime.  They have art and music almost daily (as opposed to twice a month), as well.  They eat healthy, non-preservative-laden snacks and lunches.  The best thing is when they get a little worn out, they can have a break. 

Our family is happy homeschooling.  We now have hope for our children’s future.  Most often, hope is homegrown.   

I’d love to hear your story or any advice you’d like to give.  Please share!